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英文を深く 読み取る力が「書く力」「話す力」につながります!




☆神戸大学 英作文過去問の添削とパラフレーズ(書き換え)を紹介します。


  • Original)
  • I think that the sentence does not make sence. (2) I think that decline in the number of student studying abroad is due to dream of solving Japanese problem. (3) If we want to solve problem, (4) we have to learn about it. (5) Now, there is problem of increasing elderly people in Japan, (6) we can hear real voice of elderly people. (7) So, Japanese people don’t study abroad. (64words)


  • I think that this is not true. (2) The decline in the number of students studying abroad could be due to their intentions of solving Japanese problems. (3) If so, (4) they should stay here to directly know better. (5) For instance, as they can find an issue about the increase of elderly population, (6) they’ll likely have more information from their real voices. (7) Thus, young people won’t study abroad. (65words)





  • △  this doesn’t make sense
  • △  the decline, students, their dreams, problems となるところ。


     I think~ 不要 なるべく使用しない。まして連続しては避ける。

  • △  studentsの話をしているのでtheyで一貫する方が良い。

最初からweならそれでも可能だが。 無駄な繰り返しです, If so で可

problem → them

  • △  表現内容は理解できますが説明が足りません。
  • ×  ここでのproblemは the problem of~と限定なので要the、故にthere is構文は不可。  increasing~→the decrease of ~。


  • △  一般表現は複数形でという鉄則を。real voices
  • △  Japanese people→Japanese students, young peopleでしょう。




☆ 現在開講中の高2(新高3)英作文授業の生徒の解答と添削を紹介します。






Sometimes (0), .(1) in various situations, we unexpectedly find that we are able to do (2) a certain thing which (3) we have not believed we can do (4), or suddenly understand (5) what has seemed really (6) complicated (7) until that time. (8) We may have one of the greatest moments of life at such times, (9) when we feel as if (10) opaque vail (11) is lifted from our eyes.


添削と評価) (0)×(1)〇(2)△(3)△(4)△(5)×(6)〇(7)×(8)△(9)〇(10)×(11)△


Sometimes, (1) there are various situations, in which we unexpectedly find that we are able to do (2) something (that) (3) we believed we couldn’t do, (4) or suddenly reach understanding about (5) what had seemed really (6) complicated and vague (7) until now. (8) I think this is one of the greatest moments in our lives, (9) feeling as if (10) an opaque veil (11) has been lifted from our eyes.





When books are too difficult for readers (1) to understand, (2) this is not sometimes (3) due to the books, but lack of their (4) abilities. (5) In this case, (6) they can only wait for the day, (7) when they develop abilities to understand the ones. Not a few people seem to have (8) had experiences of being able to understand the ones, and (9) finding the ones interesting, when (10) they read through the same ones several years later.


添削と評価)(1)〇(2)△(3)△(4)〇(5)〇(6)△(7)△(8)△ the experience of (9)△feel them (10)〇

When books are too difficult for readers (1) to very well understand, (2) this could be, sometimes, (3) not due to the books, but the lack of their (4) reading abilities. (5) When they face these matters, (6) they will likely have nothing to do but wait for the day, (7) when their reading powers develop and let them understand. Not a few people seem to have (8) experienced being able to easily read, and (9) feel interested in the same books, when (10) rereading through them several years later.





 Today, we can buy anything with vending machine. Now we needn’t to say (1) (2) “I’ll take this.”, or “How much is it?” (3) Usually, supermarket will do shopping. (4) Take things what we want into basket and pay money at register without say something. (5) Those who live by oneself often notice that he talked with no one that day before fell asleep, and phone to friend. (6) Exactly, it is silent age now.   


添削と評価) (1)×(2)△(, ? .) (3)×(4)×(5)×(6)△

Today, we can buy anything with vending machines. Now we needn’t say (1) to sales people, these phrases, (2) like “I’ll take this,” or “How much is it?” (3) As supermarkets will usually have almost all kinds of necessities, we have only to go shopping there. (4) We can find all things that we want to buy, put them into baskets, and pay money at a register without saying any words.






1 和文英訳の場合



Original) 塾生の答案  

(1) In relations with others, (2) we can find the true of happiness.
(3) Even if only I were on the earth, (4) got a lot of fortune (5) and lived luxurious lives, (6) such things would be worthless.
(7) Also, even if our life is in poor, (8) we are happy as long as we are always smile.
(9) One of the most important challenges which today we are confronted with is how we (10) establish the society (11) that people are considerate of others and help (12) each other.

Corrections) 添削と書き換え

(2) We can find true happiness (1) in our relationships with other people. (3) If we were all alone on the earth, (4) even if we had gotten a lot of fortune (5) living our luxurious lives, (6) this would be worthless. (7) Even if we are worried about our lives, (8) we feel happy as long as our family members always have smiles. (9) One of the most important challenges today that we are confronted with is how we can (10) establish a society (11) in which people are considerate of others and help (12) one another.


True happiness won’t likely be accepted without the bond between others and us. If you were all alone on Earth, even if you’d acquired an enormous amount of wealth enough for a rich life, could this be valuable? I feel in spite of your troubles, your family lives full of smiles will create more happiness. One of the most essential topics today is to consider how to build a society that can lead everyone to support one another with consideration.


1.△ 副詞句を文頭に持ってくるのは、強調するとか流れがいいとかの目的はあるが、ここでは必要ないと思う。relations とrelationships がありますが、広く使うのは後者です。

2.△ シンプルに

3.△ ×only I were →we were all alone ひとりぼっち

4.△ we got ~

5.△ our~

6.△ シンプルに

4.(5)(6) のつなげ方 P

7.× P

8.△ ×are always smile は are always smiling とか。 P

9.△ which today → today which / that

10.△ a特定の社会でなく一般的な社会だから、a society

11.× in which

12.〇 each other 2人の間のお互い one another 3人の間 でしたが最近は区別していない様子だが、one another がいいでしょう

2 自由英作文の場合


If you could invent something to make the world a better place to live, what would you invent?

Original) 塾生の答案 

I would like to invent eco-friendly cleaner.

These days, (1) I see a lot of garbage (2) such as pet bottles or plastic bags on (3) streets. (4) I also know (5) many (6) voluntears over the world (7) try to clean towns. I have attended (8) these activities (9) more than once, (10) too.

However,(11) in cities, there are huge amount of garbages (12) so that people can’t clear streets or rivers of garbages by themselves.

I think (13) it is important to rely on robots at these inevitable cases.

Eco-friendly (14) cleaner, (15) I wrote the first sentence, (16) don’t clean your room with a little enegy, (17) but clean out of your home.

Robots are different from (18) human beings (19) in that they (20) are not tired and they are able to (21) operate at their best condition all times.

(22) Now is the time (23)  when human beings cooperate with robots to reserve the environment.


Corrections) 添削と書き換え

I would like to invent an eco-friendly cleaner.

These days, (1) (I see a lot of garbage / everywhere we go, we are greeted by the sight of garbage) (2), such as pet bottles or plastic bags on (3) the streets. (4) I am also aware that (5) so many (6) volunteers over the world are (7) (trying / doing their part) to clean towns. I myself have attended (8) some of these kinds of activities (9) several times (10) before.

However, (11) there is such a huge amount of garbage everywhere, including in cities, (12) that evidently, some power besides manpower is necessary to clear the streets or rivers of garbage.

I think (13) it would be a splendid idea to have robots help in this inevitable case.

Eco-friendly (14) cleaners, (15) as mentioned in the opening sentence, (16) don’t sweep your rooms, (17) but can get rid of all wastes and garbage from places out of doors.

Robots are different from (18) men (19), in that they (20) (never get exhausted / can work tirelessly) and are able to (21) go on operating at best conditions.

(22) (Now is the time / There is no better time than now ) (23) for the cooperation of human beings with robots for environmental conservation.


1)〇 P


3)要the 一般表現でも必要で、特殊な例

4)〇 P

5)△ so がある方が流れが良い。

6) × spelling

7)△ 進行形の方が良い。 P

8)〇 P

9)〇 P

10)〇 P

11)12) △ のつながりは、so / such~that 構文を用いると良い。


garbageは物質名詞で不加算。clear A of B; AからBを取り除く

12)の人だけでは無理、という表現がしたいのだろうが、P を例として示し ておきます。

13) △ 推量なので would。 P

14) △ 一般表現 複数

15) × →which I wrote in the first sentence  P

16) △ →rooms, clean/sweep可  P

17) × P

18) 〇 P

19) カンマ

20) △ 疲れていない、より疲れない、という表現が欲しい

21) 〇 P

22) 23) × 21)から後のつながりは、P のように。

3 自由英作文の場合(2)


Big companies have a positive effect on society 


(1) I agree with this opinion.
(2) First, big companies can establish steady economic society.
(3) They manufacture and sell so many, good production that a lot of money are generated.  
(4) As a result, the interests give our society economic wealth.
(5) Indeed, there are many famous, big companies in advanced countries.
(6) Second, big companies affect our society in terms of population.
(7) Even though a town is a small town and it have few population, if factories of big companies are built in this town, many employments would move to this town and this town would be crowded.
(8)Big companies can help refrain decrease population in rural area and increase population in large city, too.(9) Therefore, I think big companies are important to establish good society and development society.

(1) I think of this idea as acceptable, that big companies have a positive effect on society.
(2) They have a great ability to steadily maintain economic conditions in a good way.
(3) They can manufacture and sell a large amount of products, and generate various resources, including huge volumes of money.
(4)They could eventually lead our society to be more wealthy.
(5) In fact, the number of the people who are not worried about their lives could (be low / actually drop) in countries where prominent firms can be seen.
(6) They will also affect the increase or decrease of the population.
(7) If, in a town with a small population, for example, a big company builds its factory, employment opportunities will likely be created, and the population would also be expected to be larger.
(8) Big company activities can help deal both with the decrease in the population of rural areas and with the rise in that of large cities.
(9) They have a potentiality to contribute to social development.

しかし、(a) wording語彙の使い方 (b)logic論理、の2点で文と文のつながりが不十分で何を言いたいのか理解しにくい所があります。
また、前にも言いましたが理由を2つ書けと条件設定されているわけではないのに、agree, first, second, thereforeとつなげるのは誤りではありませんが適切ではありません。何を求められているのかを最初に考え、英文構成を考えて下さい。使わない一案として添削がしてあります。


2.△ steadily economic 副詞 形容詞となる。P

3.× 関係代名詞thatでは不可でby which。many, のカンマ不要。productionでなくproducts P

4.△ 理解できるが、どちらかといえばジャパニーズイングリッシュ。P

5.△ 英文自体に誤りはないが、(1)~(4)を踏まえての(5)とすると、読み手は、   ”で何を言いたいのですか?”となる。例として書いてみましたP

6.△ P  alsoひとつで次の観点に移ることができます。

7.× 5文を接続詞でつなぐのはまだ避けるべき。シンプルな英文が書けるな らつなぐのも良いが、今は避けたほうが良い。ピリオドで5文に分けて もいいんですよ。wordingと文法ミスもある。

A town is a small town.→ A town is small.  have→has,

8.〇little population,  the factories of .of 以下で限定されるのでthe many employments以下は(3)同様日本語発想 →many people P  

× 一般表現では複数使用をしなさい。 areas, cities  wording も書き換えのようにする。

9. × good society and development societyはたとえば、good and developmental societyのように無駄語を省くこと。big companies are important for establishing~ となる